The White Elephant Gift That Zings Buttholes, Wins Hearts, and Gets Stolen Every Time

There is a wrapped gift sitting on a table. It could be anything. A picture frame. A bluetooth speaker. One of those blankets with sleeves that everyone acts surprised by even though it has been at every white elephant party since 2009.

It is not any of those things. It is a soap that zings your butthole.

Nobody in the room knows this yet. You do.

Buy BumZap.

Some Background

BumZap is a premium handmade soap. It was created because our founder decided that the shower experience could be more interesting than it currently was, and that the specific area of the body most neglected by interesting shower experiences was the butthole, and that this was a problem worth solving with craft and care and quality ingredients.

It zings. The zing is real. People use it, experience the zing, form an opinion about the zing, and then order more soap. This is the whole story. It is not a complicated story but it is a true one.

The White Elephant Situation

White elephant gift exchanges operate on a simple principle: someone brings something interesting and everyone else pretends they also brought something interesting. The gift that actually gets stolen is the one nobody saw coming. This is known. This has always been known.

What was not known, until recently, is that a premium handmade butthole-zinging soap could be wrapped in a box and placed on a table next to a picture frame and a bluetooth speaker and a blanket with sleeves, and that when it was opened the room would become a different room than it was before, and that someone would steal it, and that the person who stole it would later order one for their own shower, quietly, without telling anyone, because the zing had gotten to them.

This is a new development in the history of white elephant exchanges. We thought you should know.

What Happens to You Specifically

You bring BumZap. You sit down. You watch it get opened. The person opening it reads the label. Their face does something. You watch their face do the thing. Someone across the room asks what it is. The label is read aloud. The room does something. Someone steals it. The person who had it looks at where the soap was and then looks at you.

You have done nothing wrong. You have brought a premium handmade soap to a party. It zings buttholes. It is wrapped in a box. You followed all the rules.

The Soap Itself

BumZap is genuinely good soap. This matters because the joke is funnier when the product underneath it is real, and the product underneath it is actually useful. The ingredients are selected carefully. The zing is not a gimmick, it is a feature, and it is a feature that people return to because their shower is now a place where something happens and they have become accustomed to that.

Some people receive BumZap as a white elephant gift and use it ironically and then continue using it unironically for the next two years. We do not judge this. We understand it completely.

Buy it here. Put it in a box. Bring it to the party. Watch what happens to the room.